There Is A Wall Outside the Window - Essays from Prison
“The spring arrived and the earth became light green. At the foot of the high wall, there emerged a patch of tiny grass in light green. Without sunshine, the grass grew thin and yellow. Every day, I concentrated on this patch of light green.” Kang Yuchun, a doctor and writer, was sentenced to 17 years in prison for political issues in 1992.
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1. A Sunflower in the Shade
Outside the glass window of my cell, less than two meters away, there stands a high wall, blocking the wind, blocking the rain, but also blocking my endless longing for the complex noisy world beyond it.
The spring arrived and the earth became light green. At the foot of the high wall, there emerged a patch of tiny grass in light green. Without sunshine, the grass grew thin and yellow. Every day, I concentrated on this patch of light green. One day, I discovered suddenly that, in this patch of tiny grass, one blade of grass grew especially fast and especially tall, with a thin stalk and large leaves. Oh! That was not an ordinary grass but a sunflower in the shady place under the wall. Although tender and tiny, she staunchly and rigidly grew up. She had been blown down by the storm time after time, but stubbornly raised her head again and again, upward...
I looked at her every day, expected for her every day, and also worried about her every day. I did not dare to hope that she would blossom and bear fruit. One day, however, a tender yellow sunflower blossomed on her fragile head. What was strange is that she was not facing toward the sun, but flashing a smile at me, toward the glass window to express her gorgeous charms. Please, do you know why?
(August 22, 2002)
2. Little Birds Unfearful of Electricity
Not far away outside the window, there stands a wall. On top of the wall, there is an electric fence. The electric wires are exposed and appear to be stainless due to their electrification. I often stand at the window, looking at the big wall and electric fence to dream a daydream. Having lost freedom, I am very familiar with this wall and its fence outside the window. On one brick in the 38th row above the ground, there is a knot, resulting from the brick-baking, which displays its extremely unusual colour under the reflection of the window glass...
Several times, we placed some of food scraps on the windowsill outside the window. By chance there came several little birds. They were unattractive and belonged to a kind of house sparrow, most commonly seen in the north. The people at my hometown called them “old house-thief” to describe their quick reactions. It is very difficult to catch them. Whenever a little bird came, some of us at the window tried to make a surprise attack to catch it. Those fellows were really very crafty. Whatever means we used, whenever we stretched a hand or another tool out of the window to catch it, it would be rapidly flying up, passing between the iron bars outside the window and swaggering away. However, it seemed to care nothing about us. Soon it flew back and squatted on the electric fence not far away. It appeared to be very spirited, twittering to provoke us, as if saying “Chase, chase!” It made us so angry inside the window. Once a prisoner asked suddenly, “How is this bird unfearful of the electricity? There is electricity in the electric fence, isn’t there?”
This question made me feel awkward and think deeply. Yes, the electric fence is so powerful as to electrocute people who are intelligent and wise, but also so reluctant to injure a little house sparrow. Although little and weak, a house sparrow may fly through the iron bars and take up the station on the electric fence. The stronger may be violently powerful over the world, but it still has weaknesses. The weaker is powerless, but also has its opportunity to survive. This is a heavenly principle, but also the highest truth in man’s world.
(November 30, 2002)
(Translated by Yu ZHANG)
Original texts in Chinese can be found here
Photo: Monica Dahiya/Unsplash